


Angling to be a Right Hand Man

by Neelh



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Cipher Hunt, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 22:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7550041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neelh/pseuds/Neelh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After so long, you have done it. You, specifically, have found the statue of Bill Cipher.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Angling to be a Right Hand Man

You have found the final clue.

And somehow, ridiculously, nobody else has got here yet. It’s just you and the statue, buried in the ground.

Your hand shakes as you reach out and touch the statue. It’s weird; it doesn’t feel like how you expected it to. You brush a bit of dirt off before bringing your phone out and taking a selfie with it. You laugh and place an arm around it, like it’s a friend of yours.

It’s not.

It’s a statue of a fictional evil nacho.

But still, he is very dapper, and you are very proud, and your selfie together is very nice. You send it out on your Tumblr, saying:

_im gonna shake his hand tbh_

After a few seconds, the notes start flooding in, with various reblogs and replies varying between _holy shit don’t do that_ , and, _DO IT DO IT DO IT!_.

Laughing, you put your phone in your pocket and grasp the statue’s outstretched hand.

Okay, so you weren’t actually expecting anything to happen. You were just thinking, _Hey, this’ll be funny, I’m going to do it,_ and you were not expecting the arm to pliantly move along with the first shake, then tighten its grip and shake firmly the second time before letting go of your hand and _fucking shitsticks what the heck_? The world goes black and white and you squeal with a complex flurry of emotions.

**AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

**THANKS, KID! IT’S BEEN EXHAUSTING BEING STUCK IN THAT GUY! YOU KNOW, THAT BEARD IS REALLY ITCHY!**

“Bill Cipher?” you whisper, your voice higher than normal. You cough, before continuing, “You’re _real_?”

**GIVE THE KID A PRIZE! HERE, HAVE A VEGAN VENUS FLYTRAP!**

How horrifying. Bill claps his hands; his real ones from when he floated out of the statue, all yellowy and stuff, and there it is. A venus flytrap. It hides from a fly that buzzes past as well as it can beneath its leaves.

**ANYWAY, I SHOULD REALLY THANK YOU PROPERLY! YOU FOLLOWED ALL MY CLUES, IT WAS PRETTY MUCH PERFECT. OF COURSE, ALL THOSE OTHER PEOPLE HELPED, BUT YOU HUMANS SURE ARE STUBBORN! NO WONDER THAT POINDEXTER GOT SO SCARED WHEN HE REALISED WHAT WAS UP!**

“I helped?” you ask, and despite the fact that this is an all-powerful triangle, you’re kind of proud.

**OF COURSE YOU DID! ANYWAY, I’VE GOT THINGS TO DO! THINGS TO SEE, PEOPLE TO TURN INTO SEMI-SENTIENT MONSTERS. HEY, WANT TO BE A PART OF SOMETHING BIGGER?**

Bill is powerful; you know it. You’ve seen him in that dumb emotional cartoon that you obsess over. He could kill you, or worse.

“Yes,” you say.

You reach out your hand, and he takes it, and he _grows_. The world flashes into colour, making you wince.

Bill laughs as he drops your hand and floats into the sky like a geometric Powerpuff Girl, but far more dangerous. He looks down at you from above, through the trees, and if he were capable you are certain that he would be grinning.

**THANKS A BUNCH, KID! SAY, WHAT ABOUT BECOMING MY RIGHT HAND MAN? WOMAN? PERSON? YOUR HUMAN GENDERS SURE ARE WEIRD? SAY, HOW’S ABOUT IT?**

You nod, because what else can you do?

**Author's Note:**

> this was gonna have a big body horror segment but nah i'm tired and i switched to logging the entire discord chatroom bill conversations


End file.
